MMP Talks (24) : "Taking Ownership of Your Life" - Ashley Boolell (Student's Edition)

[00:00:01] 1. When I was introduced there was this element of rigidity that was presented about

[00:00:16] me and it is absolutely true. I would like to start about where this rigidity comes from

[00:00:24] really. The thing is you know, I'm an immigrant and this is my third country. I was born

[00:00:30] in race in Mauritius for 18 years before going to France and then arriving in the UK. So

[00:00:37] you can figure out pretty much what my age is now. Growing up in Mauritius, a country which

[00:00:43] between the 80s and 90s was pretty much finding its way out of third world status to become

[00:00:52] a second world country. It's a wonderful country as it is now. The thing about these environments

[00:00:57] it comes not with good and bad, comes with very good and very bad. You see one extreme

[00:01:04] canceling out the other and I grew up in an environment where there was an absolute total

[00:01:12] obsession with grades and there was an intra-family competition that was incredibly toxic to

[00:01:20] say the least. You know, they are the other toxic environments that were mentioned about

[00:01:25] corporate environment, politics. These things came later but the first thing I had to deal

[00:01:31] with was a background, a personal background which was not, I would say, very proper on many

[00:01:40] aspects. Game with a lot of good things, mind you, otherwise it wouldn't be in front of you today.

[00:01:46] But there is always an element of fate that plays within all of us. You know, we say we've

[00:01:52] got free people, people say we've got free choice. Well that free choice is actually free

[00:01:57] depending on your conditioning. You see and we are always fighting over own conditioning. It's like my

[00:02:03] conditioning is on a unconscious level. Tell me you can't do this, do this or do that or don't go there

[00:02:10] etc etc. Arriving in France at the age of 18 where literally starting from absolute scratch

[00:02:20] and finding my way through the various trials and tribulations, I'd say this was, I took my whole

[00:02:28] baggage with me and some of it worked very well. Others not so much. However there is one thing which

[00:02:38] always took too hard and which I try to live with on a day-to-day basis is never be afraid to take risks.

[00:02:47] It's a doesn't matter what kind of risk you're taking. Provided that you have a good understanding of what you will lose if that risk

[00:02:54] doesn't play out as you wish. And this is one of the reasons why I have branched out on so many things in so many different things.

[00:03:05] When people talk about careers, they always think about the title on their business cards. That's still limited. You know, your life is a career in itself.

[00:03:16] I always thought that the people who came to the office in the morning with only that in mind before going elsewhere to do whatever they wanted to do,

[00:03:30] forget about their office life. They were not living life to their full potential. The thing which I always remember if I have the courage

[00:03:40] to leave a country that is only 1.2 million people living on it, no natural resources, quite isolated when you think about it.

[00:03:50] Travel to a country that's 12,000 kilometers away, do it again a second time then there is no reason why I cannot take as many risks as I want.

[00:04:01] Provided of course that they are not endangering myself or people that count on me.

[00:04:07] So I'd say when he comes to the rigidity itself, it's probably because I was having expectations that simply one not meant to be expected.

[00:04:20] That really is it. It's like I was trying to aim for things while thinking about previous situations where I was being judged very harshly.

[00:04:32] I think this is something that stays with you throughout your life. It's like, you're in a situation you give you best but that best of yours is not good for a lot of people around you.

[00:04:42] It's cause you in ways that you do not understand until much later in life. So getting rid of that is an essential part of my journey as a martial artist.

[00:04:54] I didn't quite realize how incredibly rigid I was and still until I started to fight. The thing about martial art is this is why we all have our own understanding of martial arts.

[00:05:06] My understanding of martial art is you are put to the test in real time on the three strengths that you have, physical, mental, and emotional.

[00:05:15] And one of the biggest lessons I learned in martial art is that you can be physically strong, mentally very strong emotionally weak.

[00:05:22] You can be emotionally strong, mentally weak, physically weak. That also is also true.

[00:05:27] But martial art has this unique quality of putting all three strengths at test all the time. The rigidity which I faced was really out of emotional weakness.

[00:05:39] Now what's emotional strength? There's this whole definition, several definitions that we have in the dictionary on the web, etc.

[00:05:46] Well I have my own definition of emotional strength is your ability to put all the internal chaos.

[00:05:53] It's basically you're attacked or you're facing difficult circumstances. You do not know how to deal with this or that situation.

[00:06:05] And there is a huge disorder that just wakes up in you and causes you to take usually bad decisions.

[00:06:16] That I had to work on that, to work on that on my own during my martial arts journey still doing it by the way.

[00:06:24] Because I didn't quite understand I was using my strength and I was getting the results I wanted in this or that I'll back on my life.

[00:06:32] Then you know started to fill the grades in martial arts and that was three times.

[00:06:38] Three times really had to come back and I was like, look, I'm physically strong.

[00:06:43] I am mentally strong because I'm a focus individual. What is missing? What is missing really?

[00:06:50] And then I had to look deep into myself like, and I had this conversation.

[00:06:56] We all have convented situations like man. I am really an unbalanced person.

[00:07:02] Okay? martial arts is about balance and I was not balanced still not as much as I want to,

[00:07:08] but the progress I had to make on myself regarding these balancing these three strengths has been the most important thing that martial arts has brought me.

[00:07:19] It can be sometimes disheartening when you kind of realise that late in life and you tell yourself if I had done this earlier, the opportunities I would have had.

[00:07:29] The things I could have done, the relationships that could have been mented or created.

[00:07:36] Well, but it's never too late. It's never too late provided that you accept that what is done is done.

[00:07:43] When he comes to the environments I had to face, that also came to the forefront in the sense that I was always looking to be a pioneer as a motion, not just be a wage guy.

[00:08:00] So probably the first motion who went into the commodity sector in the financial industry that was never done before.

[00:08:08] You have to understand I come from a background where it's doctors, lawyers, architects, finance, really investment banking. What is that?

[00:08:21] Why are you doing this? Entrepreneurship, seriously? No. There was not in the game plan of the family structure that I came from.

[00:08:31] But I still went forward to a huge gamble on it because I thought that look the results of previous endeavors are known.

[00:08:41] Okay, I know the results. If I want a different result I need to go elsewhere, I need to do something different.

[00:08:46] So I did that and surprise, surprise.

[00:08:50] Trading floor is probably the most toxic environment that you'll ever come across.

[00:08:55] Like trading floors nowadays are mostly electronic, but trading floors like I'd say not back in the day but from recent times.

[00:09:04] You get some pretty much pre-master people in there.

[00:09:08] Because the emotions that run life in these environments are the greatest ever, great, savagery, literally, lots of the disrespect and all four.

[00:09:26] One thing making money, making money, actually not making money, making more money than the guy sitting next to you.

[00:09:33] That's the game of trading floor.

[00:09:36] So I was not prepared for it. You see, you know, it's like nobody did it before in my family. I'm the first one to go in there.

[00:09:43] So I had to learn everything and I realized look, if you have like scars within you, okay?

[00:09:51] And you go inside an environment where the scars are still open, okay?

[00:09:56] That's going to be real hard. It's going to cause a lot of trouble in your own personal life afterwards.

[00:10:03] So that was a massive lesson which I learned over my first 12 years as investment banker.

[00:10:12] I was made redundant and I will never forget that the day actually walked home.

[00:10:20] I mean, the way they make you redundant is actually, it's just like comedy.

[00:10:25] It's like, you've got this manager telling you you're absolutely fantastic at your job.

[00:10:30] Okay, fine. We need to do a client review. Okay? Good.

[00:10:34] Say, we need to meet in that room over there. Yeah, good. I'll have more of my thoughts ready.

[00:10:39] And I'm working there at choice waiting. Give your blackberry, give your badge.

[00:10:44] Your job is in quote and quote danger.

[00:10:47] And that in five minutes, a 12 year career in a French investment bank was over.

[00:10:54] You have to realize this is like, okay, 12 years just gone like this and afterwards.

[00:11:01] I went back home, lied on to my bed.

[00:11:05] I just felt like my chest opening up because the amount of tension that had been building.

[00:11:10] I found myself at an A&E at one point as I went to your doctor and said,

[00:11:14] I think I'm having a heart attack. He looked at me and he's like, you find me.

[00:11:20] You go to the gym, you work, eat, write, work, write, etc. He's just a stress and everything.

[00:11:25] But that kind of situation, it was a blessing in disguise.

[00:11:30] You don't realize that you're burning out until you burn out.

[00:11:35] We just creeps up on you.

[00:11:37] So all of that also was impacting my martial arts journey.

[00:11:41] You know, that just that whole thing building up.

[00:11:44] So after that, I had to, I had the choice of leaving England because it was only like four or five years in Britain.

[00:11:53] But then I kind of realized something is, look, I've got other things outside of finance.

[00:12:00] I'm writing, I'm doing martial arts, I'm doing improv theater.

[00:12:04] There's a structure, okay?

[00:12:06] I'm not married, I don't have kids.

[00:12:09] But my understanding is that as a person, you'll define by three things.

[00:12:14] You'll career, you're personal accomplishments and your family.

[00:12:20] Okay? So I said, I've got two.

[00:12:22] I've got two. I've been building these things for a little for many years now.

[00:12:26] Can't just let that go.

[00:12:28] Okay? So I decided to stay in London which is probably one of the best decisions I made.

[00:12:35] I remember the first person who I phone when I was made redundant was my martial arts instructor.

[00:12:41] Because if I had called my mum and dad in Mauritius about this,

[00:12:46] the whole island would have exploded.

[00:12:48] You know, it's like, I don't know what you think about.

[00:12:51] I don't know if you realize, but you know, Asian families, especially the mum,

[00:12:57] they think their eldest son is indestructible.

[00:13:00] Okay? So my mum really thinks that, I'm not.

[00:13:04] But it's like, there was probably one of the things which I learned is like,

[00:13:10] when you are in a good environment, there is a support that you don't

[00:13:16] that becomes absolutely necessary especially when you're facing complicated situations.

[00:13:22] So I decided to stay here, stick to my martial arts journey.

[00:13:26] And as I kept working on myself, I kind of realized that,

[00:13:33] no, you already know this.

[00:13:37] But you have to really live through it to understand it.

[00:13:41] No amount of money is worth the negative effects on your health.

[00:13:49] It's a very simple thing, but you don't understand it until you have

[00:13:56] the money, but your health is going to the shitets.

[00:14:00] And then you can realize, please, all of this for that really.

[00:14:07] And the structure which I, the internal structure which I got by doing things outside

[00:14:14] these toxic environments actually kept me going big time, big time.

[00:14:22] There was also this, this huge lesson of don't be a people, please, just to get ahead.

[00:14:28] You know, beating your career in your personal life.

[00:14:31] The quote which strikes me the most from Bruce Lee is,

[00:14:34] I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations.

[00:14:38] You're not in this world to live up to my expectations.

[00:14:41] You see, when you are dealing with conflictual situations,

[00:14:46] this quote is as real as it gets, like you're doing your thing,

[00:14:51] you're doing my thing.

[00:14:52] We both gonna die and that's fine.

[00:14:55] Okay?

[00:14:56] When is that gonna happen?

[00:14:57] I don't know.

[00:14:58] But yeah, I mean, I really think that when it comes to leaving things behind for your better

[00:15:06] for your own good, never hesitate.

[00:15:09] Even if you think you, even if it's going to hurt in the short term.

[00:15:12] Now, politics is a different thing, really.

[00:15:15] I got, I didn't get dragged into this. I got noticed.

[00:15:19] And I say, this is an interesting challenge as well.

[00:15:22] And French politicians, by the way, not British ones.

[00:15:27] For me to do, to be doing French politics in the UK,

[00:15:32] that's something I would never have thought of doing.

[00:15:35] So I'm not a high level position myself.

[00:15:38] I mean, I would say sphere where I can see a number of things happening.

[00:15:46] Right? And this is an opportunity which I've had,

[00:15:51] which I took, where I applied and opened mindedness

[00:15:57] to the risk that was being taken that I didn't take,

[00:16:01] that didn't apply previously.

[00:16:04] There is only so much that one can do in one's lifetime.

[00:16:09] But if you're moving ahead at a pace which you deem is not threatening,

[00:16:17] your health, your relationships, your life, and your purpose,

[00:16:23] then you're good.

[00:16:25] Are you think that? Are you think that?

[00:16:29] So in a nutshell, I could be speaking for hours.

[00:16:34] This is what I wanted to tell you about my martial arts journey,

[00:16:37] which I hope is never going to end because the great thing about martial arts

[00:16:41] is that there's only so much you can do in one's lifetime.

[00:16:45] But martial arts, once you understand the value of martial arts,

[00:16:49] the benefits and the place it takes in your life are absolutely tremendous.

[00:16:54] And I chose Jitkundou.

[00:16:58] It was a coincidence.

[00:17:00] It started in Paris, by the way.

[00:17:02] It's one of the best things that happened to me in Paris.

[00:17:05] You like this story and I'll end on this note.

[00:17:07] I was in the students' lodge and the cook, the inhabiting money,

[00:17:12] came to me and said, can you give me 20 euros?

[00:17:15] I'll give it back to you.

[00:17:17] Like I saw that he was pretty much broke and said,

[00:17:20] no problem at all, I'll help you.

[00:17:22] Here you go.

[00:17:23] Come see me and say, I can't pay you back there.

[00:17:25] You don't say.

[00:17:26] But I've got my brother who's a Jkid instructor

[00:17:31] and who, you know, just go and go to him and take a few lessons

[00:17:37] and that would be my way to pay you back.

[00:17:39] I did two years with him.

[00:17:41] I couldn't be consistent because I really didn't have the motivation.

[00:17:45] But then came to London, surprise surprise,

[00:17:48] the Jkiddy school that's five minutes away from where I was working.

[00:17:51] It's like this is kind of destiny.

[00:17:54] This is a sign of destiny, I need to take it.

[00:17:57] And yeah, when you see these things, just go for them.

[00:18:00] Thank you.